Gobble Gobble!

Time to start thinking turkey. There are 3 types. A Broadbreasted White....this is the kind most found in typical grocery stores. Think turkey with a boob job. They are bred to offer more white meat, yet the flavor is lacking and can be very dry. Similar to your typical bimbo with size 38 E's.

The next kind is a Free Range Organic. Think of these turkeys being raised in San Francisco. They are natural, roam around a lot, and like to hang out with other turkeys of the same sex. Ok. I'm kidding about that part. Organic free range have more flavor and no hormones, etc.

The next is a Heritage Turkey. To me, these babies have the most amount of flavor and you simply cannot screw them up unless you are on crack. These turkeys are the elite of Turkeyville. They have never been frozen.

I always brine my bird. Brining imparts the most succulent meat, and always gives you a juicy bird. Think of it as putting your turkey at a day spa for 2 days before you place her in the oven.

Here is my brine recipe:

Dissolve 1 cup of salt and 1 cup of brown sugar in a large container. I use 2 huge thick garbage sacks (one inside the other) placed in an ice chest. Chop up 2 oranges and 2 lemons. Throw them in the bag. Now add 6 sprigs of thyme and 4 sprigs of rosemary. If you have a big assed turkey ( not your husband, Silly) add 1/2 cup of salt and 1/2 cup of brown sugar for every extra gallon of water. You are going to give your bird a bath in this stuff.

Rinse out your bird and remove all of the guts from his neck. Reserve that crap for gravy if you want. Soak the turkey in the bag, in the brine for 24 hours. I just lay it in the ice chest, tie it up real good so it doesn't leak, and put a bag of ice on top of it.

When you are ready to cook your bird, remove it from the bath, rinse it out REALLY good, and pat that baby dry with a turkish towel. OK....paper towels will do.

Place the turkey breast side up in a roasting pan on a rack. Rub the boobs with orange segments and butter, stuffing some butter under the skin. Get your husband to help and make stupid jokes. Season the outside with salt and pepper. Stuff the turkey with onion, orange, celery, carrot, bay leaves, parsley, sage, rosemary, and thyme. Hey! Now I know where Simon and Garfunkle got the idea for that crappy song they sang! they must have been making turkeys together...or maybe they were turkeys....I dunno.

Tie the legs together with kitchen string. Now, flip that bird over. (hehehe!) Breast side DOWN! Add some white wine to the bottom of the pan. Roast for 1 hour. Then, flip it back over and baste every hour with the stock.

Put the grocery store bird in the oven at 325 degrees and roast until it reaches 165 degrees internal temperature. Stick the thermometer in the thick part of the thigh, but do not touch a bone. I roast my Heritage bird on 275 to 300 degrees for a longer time. I want it to cook slower.

I can't tell you how long to cook the thing because I don't know how big of a bird you bought. I prefer 2 smaller birds over a very large one because it will be more flavorful if you need lots of meat. Just get it to 160-165 degrees.

When your bird is the right temperature take it out of the oven and tent it with foil. Let it rest for about 30-40 minutes before carving. Actually, you may take the bird out at 160 degrees, because it will continue to cook while it is resting. Do NOT overcook this sucker!

You will have the moistest, most flavorful turkey you have ever eaten. Trust me.