Bubble Bubble Toil and Trouble

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!!!

I dressed as the Wicked Bitch....er, Witch of the West for work today. Scared the shit out of a few kids, and one guy told me I looked like Nancy Pelosi. Hmmmmmmm...........
Anyway, I cooked, I played, but this wart on my nose is driving me crazy. So, instead of blogging I am going to get a martini. Dirty. With toad lips and a spider belly for a garnish.

Have a Spookalicious Halloween!

Cast Iron Cookery

Good Morning!!!!

I am now going to try to hit every yard sale in east Texas. I am in hot pursuit of cast iron cookery! Yep, you got it. The stuff your grandma used to cook in. The stuff you whipped out on a boy scout camping trip. That rusty old crap that the dog has been drinking out of in the backyard for 17 years. That's right.....and I'm gonna clean it up. I''m going to use salt as an abrasive and a SOS pad.. I'm gonna scrub and scrub....even use some Barkeepers friend. Get rid of all of that rust. Then, I am going to rub it down with vegetable oil. Put it into a 275 degree oven for a few hours. Now, do it again. And again. And again. This is called "seasoning" the cast iron. It should just glisten. If you are fortunate enough to find a piece of Griswold cast iron.....let me know! I am especially interested in the corn muffin pans that the molds are shaped like little ears of corn.

We did many recipes last night, but here was a great one......

BACON CHEESE AND JALAPENO STUFFED CORNSTICKS (or muffins) This is why I want the cornstick shaped muffin pan, but a regular one will do.

1 Tbsp. bacon fat or shortening for greasing the muffin pan. ( Shortening is for sissies)
1 Tbsp., bacon fat or shortening melted for the Melting Pot.
Crispy jalapeno bacon cut into 1/2 X 3 pieces.
Jalapenos sliced 1/8" thickk, no seeds,2 inches long
1 1/2 cups stoneground yellow cornmeal. (Any cornmeal will do, but I like this one.)
1/2 cup flour
1 tspn salt
2 tspns baking powder
1/2 tspn baking soda
1 egg
1 cup buttermilk
1/4 cup water
smoked gouda cut in strips
cream cheese cut in strips

Grease your muffin pan with the fat and place in oven while it preheats to 450 degrees. Mix cornmeal, flour,salt, soda, and baking powder. Then add egg and buttermilk and beat with a spoon. Add melted fat or shortening and enough water to make a thin batter. Remove very hot pans from the oven and fill each pan up 2/3 full. Top with a piece of bacon, a jalapeno slice, a slice of gouda, and a bit of cream cheese. Bake about 15 minutes, or until brown on top. Thin batter, cast iron, and a hot oven is the secret! If you don't have the muffin pans use a skillet, and spread the cheese, bacon and jalapenos over the top.

This ain't your Grandma's cornbread!!!!!! And who the hell can refuse bacon fat? Why, it's UnAmerican. If you are worried about the fat, go eat some damned cottage cheese and give me your muffin. Thank you.

Poke Chops

Worked late tonight. I have that tired yet contented feeling. Today was Pork Chop Day!!! Not just any pork chops.......1 1/2 inch thick, butterflied, boneless pork chops! Lemme tell you.......the folks LOVED them!!! Now, lemme tell you what I did.

I have a very best friend named Martha Jean. Martha Jean is from Alabama. And Martha Jean makes the best jalapeno pepper jelly on the planet! I use it for everything! Unfortunately, she has not marketed hers yet, so I had to suffice with a jar from the store. Now, it is also damned good.....but don't tell Martha Jean I used it, instead of hers!

First, I sprinkled salt and pepper on the chops. I then browned them in a smidge of olive oil. Just to get a pretty color on the outside. You know how fat looks so good when it is all nice and brown? My friend Jill Conner Browne, THE Sweet Potato Queen made that analogy famous in her first book, The Sweet Potato Queens Book Of Love. Stand in front of a mirror and lift your shirt, or look at your ass in the dead of winter. Them rolls look like hell all white and pasty, right? Well lift that same shirt or look at your ass in the summer when your rolls are all nice and brown. Looks a lot better, doesn't it? Point made.....but I digress.....

After you have browned your chops, spread some pepper jelly over them. Stick them in a 375 degree oven for 12-15 minutes. Yes, that's right. Do NOT overcook them! Our Mama's always cooked the shit out of pork chops until they tasted like a shoe. They just need to be 150 degrees internal temperature! Get the thick ones, so you have something to work with!

Ours were on sale today for $5.99 a lb. and you got free soup and a bottle of awesome salad dressing for FREE! Helluva deal, if you ask me.

Serve with rice steamed in chicken stock and some freshly grated lemon peel.

Eat pork. It is healthy, satisfying, and a welcome prelude to all of the damned turkey we're gonna have to eat in a few weeks.

I'm taking a class tomorrow night on cast iron cooking......so see y'all on Friday!

Round 2!!!!!

Had an early day today. Got to the job about 45 minutes early and had time to have a latte with Maryam. Maryam is my friend that has sold me flowers on a weekly basis for years. It is great to get to know her on a more personal level. Learned a bunch, and made pumpkin pecan coffee, set up a soda pop display and sample station, had baguettes cut for our olive oil sample bar....and then it was off to produce to ask the produce manager what he wanted to feature today.

Garnet Sweet Potatoes from Oregon!!!!

Garnet sweet potatoes are my favorite. The are sweeter than ordinary sweet potatoes and have a gorgeous deep orange color. They are not as stringy, either. They are moist, and are perfect for any dish that calls for sweet potatoes.

I decided to make Pecan Praline Mashed Taters. How can you resist? Hell, it smelled so good I expected a stampede to come in the front door! I probably should have worn protective gear, in case I was tackled!

It was so simple, yet so decadent.

PECAN PRALINE MASHED SWEET POTATOES

(this will make a crapload)

8 large sweet potatoes cut in half.
Butter... 1 1/2 sticks unsalted
Brown Sugar to taste
Apple Pie spice generous sprinkles ( this is a mixture of cinnamon, nutmeg, and allspice)
Praline covered Pecans chopped coarsely. I like a lot.
Heavy cream ( just a few splashes)
A splash of Grand Marnier ( and a snifter for yourself)

Bake or steam the sweet potatoes until fork tender. Peel while still hot and put in large bowl. Wear gloves. Them things is HOT!
Add butter and start mashing. By equally mashing and whipping the potatoes in circular motions you will eliminate all stringiness. Add apple pie spice and brown sugar. Taste. Add more of whatever you think it needs. Add the Pecans. Splash in some Grand Marnier if you haven't drank it all. Finally add just enough cream to make it creamy and smooth. Not too much!

Now who in the world wouldn't love this?????? Screw Thanksgiving. Make it tomorrow night and call me. I need some love songs whispered in my ear. ;)

Here I Go!

Well, what duh ya know? I'm a blogger! I never thought I'd see the day! I kind of have an idea of where I am heading with this. I'd like to bring my world of food parties and laughter to my friends in a fun, and unusual way. An update of fun recipes, wacky ideas, and some cool tips that I've learned over the years. Look here to find out what wine too serve with your turkey, to how to pull your neighbor out from under your dining room table and still let him keep his self esteem!

This will be a work in progress. As the ideas come, my fingers will fly! This will not be your usual recipe blog. It will be fun and crazy!

Now.........I will leave you with one of my all time favorites............


See you soon!

This Is NOT Your Grandmas Chicken and Dumplin’s



Wash a big old hen. Hens are better than chickens for this because they are fatter, and this is not a diet recipe. Rub some salt and pepper all over her. If the grandkids are around, shove your hand up her ass, and make her dance. They will think you are cool. Put her in a big assed stock pot over medium or high heat. On top of her throw a bunch of chopped up yellow onions, carrots, celery, a couple of jalapenos, (take about half of the seeds out) garlic, bay leaves and thyme. Don’t use that dry shit that’s been in your cabinet for 7 years, either. FRESH! Cover up the whole mess with water and add plenty more salt and pepper. Bring it to a boil, and then turn it down to low, and let it simmer for about 2 hours. Skim off any foam that floats up. That shit is nasty.



Now, while that is cooking, call up anyone you want to impress and invite them to dinner. When they ask what they can bring, tell them wine, of course.



Strain the stock through a fine mesh strainer. Put the stock in another pot, and save about a handful of the cooked vegetables. Take the meat off of the hen, and put it into the stock, and throw away the skin and bones. Do not give a bone to your dog. It will choke, and you will mess up the whole dinner by having to go to the emergency vet.



Mix up about 2 cups of flour with a bit of baking powder, salt, and a little bit of shortening. Stick your hands in it, and mix it up until it looks all crumby. Mash up those vegetables you saved with a fork. Mix them in with about a cup of milk. Don’t throw all of it in at once. Just a little bit at a time, or you will screw it up. Mix this with your hands nice and slow.



Now, on your counter, or a board throw some flour down. Make sure you have flour on your hands, and put the dough onto the surface. Did I tell you to take your rings off? Screw it. It’s too late now. Flour the top of the dough, and press it out with your fingers until it is pretty flat and spread out. Now, cut it up into strips. Use your head. These aren’t Chinese noodles, they is dumplin’s.



Add some heavy cream to the stock and the meat. I guess about a ½ cup. You might as well duct tape it to your ass, because it’s gonna end up there anyway. Drop the dumplin’s in, and let them cook. Don’t stir the shit out of it, or you will have a thick stew. Cook them about 30 minutes.

Add some chopped up green onions, and parsley for color, and add some cayenne for spice.



Serve it with whateverthehell you want. Nobody will eat anything but this, anyway. Wear elastic pants for serving this recipe. You’ll know why.